Experts in child development have urged parents to be deliberate and intentional in parenting and also encourage community parenting in raising their children.
The stakeholders made this known at the launch of a book entitled “Lulu Learns” held in Ibadan, the Oyo State capital.
At the book launch themed “Intentional Parenting”, the members of a three-man discussion panel unanimously agreed that parents should create time for their children and be there for the children at all times.
One of the panelists, a consultant psychologist, Dr Jibril Abdumalik, stated that parents must first be intentional about protecting their own well-being, steering the ship of their life, dealing with challenges positively and finding help from professionals, before thinking of safeguarding their children’s well-being, as mental health problems occur across the lifespan.
He said: “If we have this understanding, then we can talk about how do we protect our children in the digital age in terms of preventing them from experimenting with drug abuse – a bad situation they don’t want to ever get into, teaching them to enjoy positive mental well-being and avoiding mental health problems.”
Another panelist, Mrs. Oyindamola Ige, an educationist and school proprietress, disclosed that parenting is a deliberate and intentional exercise in life, which when properly done, positively impacts on a child, urging parents to pray for and be there for their children.
Ige stated: “Ensure you’re raising children based on the foundation of Jesus Christ. There’s no book, there’s nothing on the Internet that you can refer to for tips on how to raise children. There are children and they are children. The kind of children we want to raise are Godly children, children who will continue to carry our name in good places.
“When you see other people’s children misbehaving outside, don’t judge, it takes a village to raise a child. Just in your godliness, try to correct the children. Encourage communal parenting, whereby others can contribute to raising your children. You can’t raise your children by yourself. Let society, good society, help you raise your child,” she stated.
The third panelist, Mr. Yomi Babalola, a pastor and founder of a Non-Governmental Organisation, opined that a lot of parents get it wrong when it comes to correcting their children, urging parents to create an environment where their children have access to them for discussions and also encourage feedback from the children.
Babalola noted: “When it comes to the area of discipline, what works for one person may not work for another, as people are brought up differently. Parents should strike a balance between discipline and freedom and create an environment where their children have access to talk to them.”
The convener and co-author of the book, Lulu Learns, Mrs. Ronke Giwa-Onafuwa, who is also a broadcaster, revealed that the book was born out of her desire to be an intentional parent and teach morals, through storytelling, to her 5-year-old daughter, Tobani, whom she calls Lulu, and co-authored the book with.
She encouraged parents to read books with their children because she believed such would bring about bonding and less beating, as parents would be able to talk to their children, who would in turn listen, saying a lot of children are beaten because there is no bonding or connection between them and their parents.
Giwa-Onafuwa said: “Reading to your children will help you connect with them. Also, reading to your children will help their vocabulary, spelling, reading, imagination, comprehension and will help them in school. It also helps you start conversations with them such that your children can open up about what they are going through.”
“Many of us are not okay with the way we were parented and a lot of people need therapy because of how they were parented. We must do differently because we are parenting children in a world that we didn’t even live in. So, it’s very important to be intentional,” she affirmed.
The convener insisted that parents have to make time for their children as they make time for things that are important, noting that intentional parenting involves the things parents say to their children, the tone of voice used with them, what they do in front of their children and what they do to their children, including the hitting and the beating.
